Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Top 10 biggest jerks in history

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 29, 2006, 10:17 PM
While talking in the car with a good friend of mine, I decided to compile a list of the top 10 biggest jerks in the history of mankind.  These are people who acquire their position for a multitude of reasons, but equally succeed at taking the world for suckers to placate their own position in life.  Basically, they are geniuses at marketing themselves, and creating some sort of false atmosphere of hate, fear, paranoia, or ignorance that (if negated) would result in their unregarded downfall.

Or in layman's terms: They lie to get paid.  Let's start.

10: Kurt Cobain

I figured to get the most obviously offensive entrant out of the way first.  Cobain was the frontman of the early 90's band, Nirvana.  For those who don't remember, Nirvana was widely considered the "mystery hit" sensation of the time.  Much like Linkin Park was five years ago, or Avenged Sevenfold today.  Nobody has any clue why these bands are so popular, and it's only a matter of time until their false popularity buckled under the gradual realization that they aren't that good, and name-recognition was the only component that enabled them to sell albums previously.

But step in Cobain.  He decided, after dumping a lot of acid and trashing his motel room, to floss his teeth with buckshot.  How a man as incapable of writing a good song lyric convinced a conscious human being to sell him a firearm is beyond my basic comprehension of physical reality, but for a guy on the brink of becoming just another has-been with a band nobody liked, Kurt Cobain decides to play a joke on society by blowing his brains out.  Cowardly.  Stupid.  Genius.

Because of that little incident, the world felt bad about calling Cobain the talentless whiner he was (go back to 1991, and TELL ME you didn't think that about him).  He had inadvertently solidified his notoriety in music history, and spawned a post-mortem fanbase that views him as a visionary.  A prophet.  A music deity.  Simply because he shot himself, and nothing else.  So for summoning a new wave of suicide-raving idiots who perpetuate a cycle of generic grunge that should've ended fifteen years ago, Cobain begins this list.  What a jerk.

Brand: Celebrity who Really Shouldn't Be
Similar offenders: Jennifer Aniston, Madonna, Paris Hilton

9: Lars Ulrich

The drummer for Metallica got really ticked off that their new album wasn't selling.  That's probably because the mainstream demographic knew beforehand that the combination of a symphony orchestra and metal would only end in tears.  So he vented his anger in the courtroom by ending the fun for all of us, and took Napster to court.

We continue with musicians as being jerks, and even bigger than Kurt Kobain was Lars Ulrich.  For starters, just for being in Metallica.  If you're going to remake Turn the Page by Bob Seger to some cliche metal strummings that carry NO soul, the only saving grace you can have is that YOUR band doesn't appear above Seger's name when the song title is put into a Google search.  Metallica, we have some bad news.  You're on the shitlist.

Napster was a load of fun while it lasted.  We got all the music we needed, and the selection was so dismal, the connections so shaky, the personal listing of music so inaccurate, we usually ended up buying CD's in the long run.  I always bought CD's after downloading them.  Always.  Because by listening first, I knew I wanted it instead of pressing my luck.  I hated gambling with twenty-dollar bills, but Napster made it easy.

And Lars had to get his panties in a wad.  After their 2000 album (whose name I will dare not dignify, to emphasize the "screw them" factor) tanked in sales, they decided to put all the blame on Napster.  Not so much for stealing, but because you could preview it, and see it for the crap it was.  Regardless, "stealing" sounds better/more convincing in a federal court of law, so there goes Lars, on the road again.  There he is, up on the stage.  There he goes, playing star again.  There he is, wetting his pants.

By playing pity party, talking about how he must settle for a lesser private jet to get around, and ignoring the fact that his paycheck is in no way supported by album sales that were allegedly affected by Online music sharing, Lars wins a rightful position as being one of the top 10 biggest jerks of all time.  Talk about not caring about the music or being heard.  It's just all about the money, huh?  Ten million a year isn't enough, is it Lars?  Yeah.  Get bent.

Brand: Total Killjoy
Similar offenders: Dr. Dre, Madonna, Isaac Hayes

8: Justin Long

Maybe a number of you don't recognize the name.  He was the actor who played the doofy little love-struck kid in Dodgeball.  More specifically, he's the Mac.

Apple decided to air a string of advertisements where the Macintosh meets a PC, and they exchange "witty" banter.  By witty, I mean "elitist diatribe regarding issues that most computer users don't give a hoot about, and underestimate the actual importance of taking personal security precautions."  And these ads are just snide, unfunny, and downright mean spirited.  They really do go above and beyond the basic call of criticism, and adopt a tone of elitist ramblings that ignore the fact that Macs cost more, still crash, have less software for them, still suffer compatability issues, and aren't used in most office complexes.

But, I'll save the explaination as to why Macs are inferior for another rant, and instead of hate the message, I'll take it out on the messenger.  Justin...bite me.  My bluescreen will take on your spinny rainbow cursor any day.  And after the apocalypse, two things will remain.  Cockroaches.  And Linux.

Brand: Regular Joe whose Act is Pivotal to Being an Ass
Similar offenders: Dane Cook, Billy Bob Thorton, Gilbert Gottfried, Howard Stern

7: U2

That's right.  The entirety of U2.  You'd think it would be just be lead singer Bono for the hypocritical stance that we commonfolk should help the poor while he still rides around in limousines, and that we're not aware enough that Africa is a poor starving nation despite our non-caring as we have starving people in our own countries, too.  You'd think I'd just say Bono.  But to his other band members: you're just as big of jerks to society for one reason.  You hang out with Bono.


He has a perfectly good excuse for his erratic behavior.  Bono is insane with popularity.  He's let fame get to his head, and now, like Jesus, he's a missionary out to change the world.  And you guys just sit aside and don't slap him around for these beloviating antics?  You're just as equal...just as deserving of #7.

Brand: Willing Associates of Jerks
Similar offenders: Islamic Extremists, Angels and Airwaves, PETA Vice President Dan Matthews, The Phelps Family, Madonna's Assistants

6: Michael Moore

He used to be amazing.  Search Youtube for Moore vs. Fred Phelps, and you'll see what I mean.  That was one of his most golden moments ever.

But you may notice that Phelps himself doesn't make this list.  Yet Moore does?  Simple explaination.  Phelps is a scumbag.  He spawned from nothing, equated to nothing, and committed his life to nothing.  The leader of the Westboro Baptist Cult makes no amends to his ruthless attacks on homosexual stances in the United States, and even more unfortunately, directs his unrelenting vitriol towards innocent God loving people for not being insane enough.  Phelps never has and never will have any sort of credibility associated with his name.

Credibility is the key word, here.

Moore is different, as he used to be credible, then fell.  Fast.  And hard.  Like most people of his build do (no Moore criticism is complete without a cheap-shot kidney-punch to his size).  Yet he used to be something great.  Roger and Me was a touching exposition of a common American's struggle to survive the middle class.  Bowling for Columbine, despite being riddled with factual errors, delivered a hopeful message in the end that we will one day find an alternative to our violent ways.  Fahrenheit 9/11?  Now you're just being an ass.

Yet he carried it with him for a long time, and unfortunately (see Kobain) so did a dipshit following.  Fahrenheit was horrifically flawed, and worked strongly to divide a nation using one of the greatest tragedies as a crutch to accomplish this.  Why?  Mostly to create a typical controversial snuff film (see next) that uses a great man-made disaster to pad his pocketbook.  Nothing sells quite like a conspiracy theory.  And for paving the way to a mainstream adoption of sequential crap like Loose Change and In Plane Sight, Michael Moore you should be horribly ashamed of yourself.  If you weren't such a selfish jerk, there wouldn't be the "truthout" retards goosestepping about.

Brand: Pompous Fascists
Similar offenders: Dylan Avery, Tom Cruise, Ann Coulter, Rob Reiner, Sean Hannity, The French, Al Franken, Madonna

5: Mel Gibson

I'll make this short, because this man has gotten a lot more attention than he justfully deserves.  Mel Gibson gets the midpoint in this list for making The Passion of the Christ with his own fortune.  Read that last sentence again.  Passion of the Christ, and own fortune.  To be rich enough to fund your own movie is one degree of jerk that's nearly unheard of, mostly because that's more money than the average human being probably needs.  To spend it on the movie adaptation of what was originally an anti-zionist screenplay (no joke, Wikipedia it) instead of some bullshit celebrity charity (see U2) is even greater.

And we all know where you stand now, sugartits.  Alcohol is truth serum, is it not?  Then again, so is panic, high speed, and the line "you have the right to remain silent."  You're not only a jerk for the "holier-than-thou" attitude, but you also get extra lashings for ten explosive minutes that completely turned your career into a joke.

Brand: Mel Gibson
Similar offenders: None.

4: Maddox

I call Maddox a jerk, because it's what he'd want me to do.  I feel that an uplifting entry needs to be put in here, because he's the kind of jerk that takes idiots around and doesn't treat them with proper dignity.  He's the intellectual equivelent of Triple-H bodyslamming deaf kids through desks in a public speaking class for stuttering.  Relentless, domineering, but there's one prevailing quality about him that makes him much greater than your average jerk.

As much as you hate to admit it...he's usually right.  He takes no dignity in his position, no calm, no tact.  Just straight-up pwnage followed by laughing in your face and peeing on your grandma.  You've got to admire a man like that, a man who can only be entitled enough of a jerk to author "The Alphabet of Manliness" under the ostentaciously honest reasoning of needing the easy money.  No lifelong ambition, no love of literature, no service to his fanbase.  Just a ridiculing "agree or disagree, you bought my book, so you lose anyway" position that cannot be fought against.

Brand: The Proud and Dignified Asshole
Similar offenders: Tom Leykis, Sacha Baron Cohen, Randi Rhodes, Johnny Knoxville, Dennis Leary, and of course, Your's Truly

3: Maury Povich

Never in the history of television has a man been able to make five shows, and repeat them ad nauseum for over ten years.  They can be broken down into either paternity tests, extreme makeovers, help my fat disgusting toddler, insane moments caught on tape, and survivors of horrible accidents.

All of which are plain exploitation of others' misfortune.

Never have I seen the tears of men magically transform into diamonds mid-descent.  Maury makes so much money from the horrible tragedies of others that it's simply disgusting.  Worst of all, Maury, is that I watch.  Almost every aggrivating day I can.  If Maury is on, I'm there.

Paternity tests are all the same of "you are not the father" and watching the woman cry, or vice versa and the woman takes the time to be a loud-mouth bitch about it.

The extreme makeovers are the worst.  It exhibits the shallowness of man, and how somebody who was ugly in high school can now win their crush with tens of thousands of dollars of plastic surgery?  Look, fake boobs, face lift, hair grafts, liposuction, and now this plastic bimbo is suddenly NOT the psychotic creepy bitch from the decade past?  Nuh-uh, don't buy it.  But for some reason, the shallow idiots do.  They always say yes, instead of what a rational human would say.  "You think I have no shame in myself?  You think I'm that hollow of a human being to be swayed by physical attraction alone?"

Fat toddlers just exploit ignorant mothers with no regard of their child's health.  Sure they do this proverbial "mama boot camp" where they change the kids' diet, but the only way to ensure their little rugrat doesn't grow up into a gelatenous loser is to take away the very element that keeps them suppressed under the dependency of lard.  Mom.  Maury would be SOOO much better if they just shot those mothers on stage.

Caught on tape/horrible disasters are about as bad.  It's like parading around circus freaks.  They make ratings and raise bank on burn victims, car crash survivors, and those born with gnarling defects.  And how do they compensate them?  Usually, they send them to Disneyland.  Gee, that's great.  Thanks for exposing your crippled mug to the entirety of daytime TV, here's a ticket to Orlando.

Brand: Sleezy Daytime TV Superstars
Similar offenders: Jerry Springer, Oprah Winfrey, Judge Maria Lopez, Montel Williams

2: George W. Bush

Talk about losing your base.  Liberals call him a right-wing mess.  Right-wingers call him a deserting sheep.  And deserting sheep are too emberrassed by such assertions to dignify such claims.  George W. Bush is one of those people who has gotten so out of touch with the American people that it's no wonder he'll go down in history as one of the most dismal leaders in world history.

It's like this.  His platform depends on the basis of slightly pissing off everybody equally, but doing so in outrageous ways.  His conservative nature alienates the whole of liberals, as does his refusal to deal with them.  Fine.  Such is expected.  Then he goes out, and decides not to fight to border security in the hopes of alleviating criticism from the left.


The left isn't going to forgive, just because such is the nature of politics.  Then, you slip from the very base of those who voted for you with this joke of a "guest worker program?"  You then decide to pass a border initiaive conveniently before an election despite the wide consensus being that it won't solve anything simply because it throws money at a problem instead of tangible ideas?  So you lose both sides of the aisle, get destroyed in recent elections, and now get to spend your remaining two years sitting at a desk chair perplexed by your own failures and absolutely powerless to do anything as an executive power without the legislative entities shooting you down.

Guess that's what a President deserves when they ignore the superficial nature of politics, and try to please everyone by pissin' off everyone.

Brand: Current World Leaders
Similar offenders: Current World Leaders

1: Al Sharpton

Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Maxine Waters, take your pick.  These are the biggest jerks in the history of the world, simply because they took the noble actions of Martin Luther King (amidst several other civil rights leaders) and turned it on its head.  You guys wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for your alleged illusion that everything is racist.  In fact, every time some man buys into the idea that some big-business entity IS conspiring against them for their ethnicity, you make enough money from your silly marches and rallies to buy a new Lexus.

Do you believe this?  You guys base your livelihood around the oppression of others.  And how do you ensure your livelihood?  You ensure oppression.  And when oppression doesn't exist, you either make it up or instigate it.

When it comes to reverse racism, the fat cats who have hijacked the modern Civil Rights movement are the worst offenders of it.  They're the people who say that we must put forth 200 percent to be respectful (AKA politically correct) to their represented ethnic minority, but don't give any sort of attention to when their own members exhibit zero percent of the same.

Michael Richards, the former Seinfeld star of Kramer, recently went on a racist tirade against some black hecklers in his audience.  Such was uncalled for.  Richards apologized profusely, and promised a change in his behavior.  Al Sharpton is quoted as the apology as "not enough" and "refuses it."  I am not kidding.  When a white man apologizes for racism, and you refuse to accept it, it PROVES that your existence is around the perpetuation of oppression, and that without it, you would be nothing.  You thrive on oppression.  You DEPEND on oppression.  You are like a leech, latching on to every potential instance of racial oppression and suck it for whatever you can acquire.

You're a whore.  A whore to the darkness of mankind.

Yet you still assert that we need to have things like "Black Entertainment Television", and support the supposed important of "Black Student Unions."  Whatever happened to the ending of segregation, that which your predecessors fought for?  Got ass-whoopin's for?  Got ASSASSINATED for?  What the hell happened, Sharpton?  Are you just ignoring that segregation bit, and deciding to implement it when it's CONVENIENT for you?  When it's going to keep blacks apart from the rest of society in a way that leaves them more vulnerable to the intolerable oppressions that you allegedly fight so hard to prevent?

Why would you even uphold this reverse-segregationalist policy?

Because it pays the bills.  Sure, segregation is bad, but to Sharpton, Jackson, Maxine Waters, and other leaders of the current civil rights movement, the segregationalist attitude that is augmented by Black Entertainment Television, Rainbow Push, Black-Centric scholarships, and Affirmative Action shows that they don't give a rat's ass about EQUALITY.  It's not about "I have a dream" anymore, not about "little black boys and little black girls drinking from the well of freedom".  No.  It's about using the very tenets brought forth by the 1950's and 60's Civil Rights marches AGAINST society for their own selfish gain.

For pissing on the legacy and messages Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. strived for, overcame for, and ultimated died for...for perpetuating the cycle of discomforting ties between races...for overturning the racial amalgam of the people...Al Sharpton, you are the biggest hypocrite and puppet master the world has ever seen.  It's not about race, and it's not about racism.  Cast those two elements aside, and I'll still promise you, everybody hates you.  Vehemently.  You can't assume an original idea, and you can't support an opinion of your own.  It's just the same song and dance of "they're all out to get you, let's fight onward against the (nonexistant) enemies, and never ever assimilate into common society."

With Sharpton around, it's like the Civil Rights movement never happened.  He has single-handedly undone two decades of hardship burdoned by his previous generation.  And now that he's trying to make every one of his clients a victim of Nelson Mandella proportions, how are we ever going to casually communicate with a black man sans the fear of a gargantuan lawsuit?  If everything said can be spun into a racist diatribe, and simple racial remarks by a third-party can put double-murderers free to play another round of golf (you know who I mean), what was MLK assassinated for anyway?

A legacy gone awry.  Sharpton, you are the biggest jerk of them all.


Brand: Race-Baiting Pseudo-Activists
Similar offenders: Maxine Waters, Yerzhan Ashykbayev, Jesse Jackson, Cruz Bustamante, Ray Nagin, David Duke, Piolin, James Broadwater

So I want to know.  Am I being to harsh on some people?  Agree?  More importantly, disagree with any?  I'd kill to find out.  Especially from a few of you who also express strong opinion in their journal.  Go nuts.  Hate them, hate me, it's all fair game.



Wow.  I've gotten way more responses than I was originally anticipating.  While it's just as easy to read the plethora of comments this list has generated for any sort of clarification, I think it would be convenient to address some frequently asked questions.

Where's Hitler?
These people are jerks.  They're the kinds of people who went out of their way in some unorthodox fashion to inconvenience me.  Whether it be by taking out my favorite websites, perpetuating societal hypocrisy, being undeniably more awesome than me, or generating an onslaught of mysteriously popular bad music, these jerks have done things that makes me despise them in ways that I have no legal power to do something about.  Maddox excluded, of course.

Hitler is a criminal.  Not many criminals on this list.  Hitler's war crimes are horrendous.  They are actions perpetrated with an intent of pure selfish evil.  The same applies to Stalin, Pol Pot, and Bennedict Arnold.  These are people who were persuaded by evil intents, and perpetrated wildly criminal acts upon humanity.  To put them on this list would trivialize their true evil.  By no stretch would I state that Al Sharpton is more evil than Hitler.  Sharpton ranks on the list because unlike Hitler, he's still alive, and he's still popular.  The disgraced German fuhrer died unpopular and by his own hand.  Sharpton is still kickin' to live another day to superficialize the true potential of the black community by segregating it with victimization.

That's where a number of other people would fall.  Jane Fonda in particular.  She shouldn't be on some wayward blogger's douchebag list.  She really should be in jail.  Sorry, no punchline for this stanza.  No witty remark for her.  There is no paragraph in existence that can win any sort of comedic value as long as "Jane Fonda" is imprinted within it.

Where's L. Ron Hubbard?
I had to think long and hard about Hubbard, but there was one thing that remains within my mind. Scientology is post-mortem L. Ron Hubbard. Hubbard had no say in the management and distribution of this religion, and its popularity didn't begin to kindle until after he died. He was a science fiction writer. Not a prophet. Even he recognized this. There is a story that L. Ron Hubbard and Arthur C. Clarke were enjoying a drink together, and on a bet, Hubbard said that his next fiction novel would start a religious following. Hence, Dianetics was born. Scientology, the entirety of it, is founded upon a bet between two writers in a pub. It's not Hubbard's fault that Dianetics actually garnered such a cult following.

One could argue the same point in Cobain's defense. But Hubbard isn't an overrated no-hit wonder. He's more a genuinely good writer with one book that ruined it for everybody.

Where's Nixon?
I'll let my man Lynyrd Skynyrd answer that question.  "Watergate doesn't bother me.  Does your conscience bother you?  Tell me true."

Nixon has done a lot of good as well as establish a lot of liberal foundations while maintaining a strong conservative base.  He had his goals, and he stuck to them.  He was credible, stalwart, and very aggressive.  Agree or not with him, I cannot warrant the capacity to give him any placement in this list simply because he bent and swayed accordingly with the game of politics.

Politics is a dirty sport.  It's basically a game of "who can be the biggest fascist and wear the best 'freedom' disguise?"  Every politician and world leader has a job to influence you, to manipulate you, to use whatever medium necessary (media, internet, television, publications, newspapers, drunken rabbling) to trick you.  To trick you in to voting for them.  It's their job, and it's the way we run ourselves.  Sounds scummy on the surface, but as long as the system in some way works, we can either assume it's beneficial, or there is an Illuminati that frankly loves us all very much.

Where's OJ Simpson?
If this list went to 25, I guarantee, he'd be on it.  He's a criminal who didn't get what he had comin'.  Yet the reason why he doesn't make top 10 isn't because getting away with double murder isn't a severe enough crime.  Definitely not.  He totally perpetrated that act.  The thing is, though, the #1 race-baiting pseudo-activists helped Simpson get off the hook.

If you listen to Simpson speak for himself, he really has no cognitive ability.  There's no feasible way he could have, by himself, formulated some racist conspiracy to put an innocent man in jail.  It took a crack team of inverse-bigots to play political correctness to pull it off.  Simpson just sat back for the ride, and over time, has gradually begun to disgrace himself to a point where he has no credibility anymore.  See Fred Phelps, and why he's not in here.  No credibility?  No fulcrum to be a jerk.

Add a Comment:
BrawndoQC Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014
Nice piece of shit post. I'm late to the party, but it sucked so much that I had to post to let you know you've no talent, you'er a jealous fuck, an underachiever, broke ass cunt.  
espermannn Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Student Artist
what the fuck do u know about kurt huh?! you little bastard?!! your mind is full of shit!! why the hell are you disrespecting other people's beliefs? you're jealous 'cause u can't write sth that means sth?!! bitch please!! and make fun of your mommmmmy!
lazardo Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I wanna take one exception to the category in #3, John Bunnell.

His snarky, sneering narration of police videos (and my pretty good impression thereof) provided much needed entertainment during long sessions of GTA, which people like JACK FUCKING THOMPSON *suggestionhinthint* say is bad for you.
Elidrizzle Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2008
I love this journal...and how you managed to get madonna into like 4 or 5 categories without putting her on the actual list
And I am so happy someone else gets the last point..with the inverse racism or watever...
michelephant Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2008
And btw - ty for the info on Ron Hubbard. I had no idea he was a fiction writer.
michelephant Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2008
ok i just want to give poor old Kurt Cobain some support. The 90's was my era. My teen years. I memorised the lyrics to their first album - and yes they were total crap "The water is so yellow - I'm a healthy student" wtf??

But I fell in love with Courtney Love. Yes she is not incredibly pleasant to look at - but her "Live through this" album touched my soul. And later i realised that Kurt wrote that whole album. Every other album she put out was utter crap.

So yeah, don't knock poor old Kurt. He obviously had a drug addiction, and we all know how hard that is.
Fenris-Fastlane Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2006   Writer
you forgot borat
DragonCat-Ink Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2006
after reading i have to say the variety of expected and unexpected choices is what keeps this list hilariously alive. that and you've managed an irrististable mix of intellectual ranting with cold humor at the expense of the targeted. kept me laughing (most valuable writing skill there is in my opinion), glad it could whether i agreed or wholly disagreed with its statements. some reason i was quite dim in letting it slide unread when it was actually posted :P
admittingly my amusement at your style of writing has almost entirely distracted from actually viewing your gallery, amazing stuff. being the typical furry i urge to sometime make your arse a fanart, but honestly i'd completely not know what to do:XD:.
finally, not fishing for a special roast here, love to be enlightened briefly (if possible) how johnny knoxville earned his runner-up in similar offenders. doubtless he's some kind of jerk but he seems like such a different story than the others categorized. appreciated :thumbsup:
vest Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2006
Johnny Knoxville takes a lot of pride in having no regard for the thoughts and feelings of people around him. He is, after all, the head runner of the TV series Jackass. Steve-O doesn't make the list, nor do any of the others, as their stunts either involve harming eachother or themselves. Especially themselves. But Johnny frequently goes out of his way to terrify and humiliate others around him. Plus, he's under Maddox for "proud and dignified asshole" category, so there is frankly no shame in being in that position. Interesting note: Knoxville was the only one of them to be sent to prison.

As for creating me a fursona...I've never worn the fursuit at a convention, but I definitely know what I am deep inside. Plankton.
DragonCat-Ink Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2006
understood, thanks a lot... no fursonas suggested (let's admit it, that's for females), but it'd sure be fun to take a stab at it for shits and giggles.
Turinbaar Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2006   Traditional Artist
Interesting choices, although I wonder why Pat Robertson isn't up their. He has that "holier than thou" attitude like Gibson, he's a hypocrite like bono, and he feeds on people's misfortune, and anxiety like maury. And if I'm not mistaken, the CBN was created with Robertson's money.
vest Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2006
Pat Robertson was another one of those that I kept thinking about. I couldn't lump him out like Fred Phelps, because Robertson does have some credibility. However, I consider Robertson to be a victim of character assassination. He hasn't done any particular THING that could be seen as the action of a jerk. He has participated and contributed to a large number of charities, and unlike Bono, he doesn't put on a massive concert to celebrate said donation. He's fairly quiet in his daily living, tries to keep his name out of the news, and while his views can be seen as extreme, he still keeps them relatively under control. In fact, the only thing people genuinely have against him is his quote about removing Hugo Chavez, and tell ya what, Chavez would make this list twice before Robertson even gets a mention. On top of that, when Robertson openly refused to apologize for that remark, he actually won some bonus points. Chavez has unfortunately become this rockstar figure, because in South America, there is no greater honor than being lambasted by some big-name American with a TV show.

Oh, it didn't matter about his bungling of his country's oil program, his attempted removal from office, his neglect of his country's middle class to financially perpetuate Venezuela's drug trade with government funds, or his ridiculous fame complex. When some evangelist says essentially what every Venezuelan immigrant is saying, it's bloody murder.

And because of that, I couldn't put him on this list. Because it would assert that I believe he should've been disciplined for tellin' it as it is. Which I don't. If there is an evangelist I'd put on here, Benny Hinn would be the one. That would be for assuming to have the power of Jesus within him, and for instilling a false hope in people, exploiting them with ticket sales, using the name of God and the promise of salvation to buy another pearly white suit for himself. Hinn is no humble servant of the Lord, he's a hustlin' liar who augments the ridiculous belief that God does act as an interventionist, and that believing in God will cure your cancer, heal your blindness, or all the other common metaphors of the Bible that nowadays get horribly bastardized into an all too literal meaning. Arthritis? Back pains? Feet sore? Walk grandma up to Benny Hinn, he'll start wailin' like a crack-laced chimp, reach back like a pimp, and backhand grandma IN THE NAME OF THE LORD! BE HEALED! *Whap!*

This man goes up on stage, dances around, remains two neural pulses short of having a stroke, lines up the elderly in the audience, and ceremoniously punches them...FOR MONEY. He gets PAID to beat around the old folks!

What a jerk.
Turinbaar Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2006   Traditional Artist
I can see what you're saying, especially about Benny Hinn. Robertson does something similar during prayer on the 700 club, but no-where near as obnoxious. Perhapse they both deserve mention in the pompous facist brand.
caytea Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2006  Student General Artist
....I can't type or think much because I just read your journal, plus all the comments...
soo.. this is what I've got the say...
I think you should be some sort of writer, editorials or TV *waves a lil davey flag, woo*
I like dane cook *pout*
I'm related to Bennedict Arnold ._.
I own a mac notebook...

huzzah for the list
anamusingalias Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2006
Awesome, man. But I really would've added one of those douches from that fucking Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Preferably Larry The Cable Guy. Can't stand that guy.
sorceress-Ayi Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2006
Can you make it a 15 or a 20 list? I've got quite a few suggestions.
Choobidoo Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2006
It's nice you listed Ann Coulter, but I believe she deserved her own ranking... :nod:
happypelican Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2006
You managed to make a subject I'd normally hate come across as really interesting. Which is kinda awesome.
simbandeh Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Honestly dude, you should leave POTUS off of the list. If you put one POTUS up there, you really need to add about 20 more entries to accomodate the other jerk presidents in the past. Like that bastard Abe Lincoln. He disregarded the wishes of more than half the nation, the constitution, and failed to resolve a civil war promptly and bloodlessly. Modern perspective on past events. (Granted I think he was mostly correct in everything he did and good for the country but that bastard didn't do what the teeming masses wanted, the jerk.) In addition to this, I think your opinion that the POTUS was trying to please everyone isn't very well supported. In 6 years I think we have enough evidence to say he doesn't really try to please anyone. Don't laugh, I mean it.

It's pretty obvious he does what he and his advisors (sometimes) think he should do. I was tempted to say the whole constitutional amendment to institute a federal ban on gay marriage is a publicity play, but it fits too well with his action-indicated personal morality, although it conveniently was the opposite of standard, states rights conservatism...
Of course POTUS isn't a conservative, so I shouldn't be surprised. Republican, sure. Conservative, nope.

That was a powerful tangent. Back to the track...

Or just clarify the list as "current, living" top-10 jerks. Including the current POTUS and overlooking past offenders like Roosevelt just smacks of the short memory of modern Americans (thank you, Social Studies BS that replaced History).

At the same time, I understand the list is confined to 10 and it is, in fact, based on your personal opinion.
Just offering a ponderance.
vest Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2006
The thing is, though, the current President is doing things to inconvenience me. As emphasized in the FAQ at the end of the entry, there's a difference between a jerk, and a criminal. The idea of the jerk is to find a guy who still has a lasting impression on current life whether they be living or dead. Regardless, most of those people will be those who still remain living. But the one dead guy who is on the list Kurt Cobain, left a very irritating legacy that idolizes crappy music.

But I digress.

The Presidents of the past don't have that lasting effect. I mean, sure, the Clintons make a big ol' spotlight of themselves but they're so widely disliked by everybody anyway that they don't have much of a say. Hmm. Then again, speaking of the Clinton campaign, Al Gore really does refuse to go away. I'll have to give him a special mention somewhere in there. Maybe. Perhaps just showing his picture and insisting things could've gone worse is justice enough...
simbandeh Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
I appreciate you responding to me, bud. I've read a couple of your journals over the past year and I think you're a pretty smart fella.

I think we have a different thought on what a lasting effect is. Roosevelt's lasting effect was a poorly designed social security program that curried to the desire of every man's inner child to have someone else take care of him. In theory, it's said he never intended it to be permanent, but come on, the dude wasn't stupid. He knew it would be someone else's problem by the time it became one.
Like now.
The ass. =P
My view is altered by my perspective of course. There are alot of people who credit the socialist programs of that era with bringing our economy back to step and love what was done, but I see the social and economical effects (the notion of deserving a crutch, entitlement etc) as a lasting boil on the ass of America.

Your list is more socially inclined, I think?
I read back through it (because I really love it) and it seems more to follow a "these are the people who just won't get off your TV, radio or movies and therefore won't get the hell out of your thoughts" track, yes? We all know how annoying pop culture icons are, and no one can escape them! Clingy political figures too.

Along those lines, I guess a current POTUS is a shoe-in for the list. He's just... GOT to be there. He's too public an official and there're just too many people for him to appeal to everyone.

President Bush will be forever loved in my mind for one event, which I'll share with you. A short while ago, a very stupid woman from Italy was taken captive in Iraq. A very stupid ambassador from Italy, who had a very stupid major general in the car with him as well as their driver, decided to make a speeding run at a military checkpoint in Bagdad on their way to buy this woman's freedom.

The soldier guarding the checkpoint very effectively killed them after they ignored all signs and loudspeaker warnings, as well as the fact that they knew fucking better.

Italy leaned HARD on us to give up that kid. Man. You can't be a soldier who kills someone and survive it without becoming a man. President Bush got on the phone with them and told our ally, point blank, that we would not give him up to them and in fact, that he wouldn't be punished at all.
And he wasn't. Not even a blemish on his record, because he did exactly what he was supposed to do, to the letter. It wasn't in the news, it wasn't made a press gaggle where the POTUS could strut and say he stands by the soldiers, it was done quietly and with dignity.

I will forever respect G.W. Bush for that one decision. There was no quiet court martial, no reprimand to satisfy Italy who was our partner in this war, no political meandering at the price of a good soldier's career or life (social or mortal).

I despise his standings on many issues, most prominantly his runaway spending and his stupid fence (because Mexicans can't buy wire cutters), and his apparent willingness to brush the illegal immigration problem aside for another 15 years (this whole argument happened about that long ago), and a few other issues but he did do that right.

I'm an Army brat though, so that's a response that's to be expected. I just think any man who was willing to take the pressure of an ally nation and not invent a case against an innocent soldier to hold up a good relation with a truly good ally is honorable, even if I do disagree with many of his stances.

It's complicated I guess. I have a hard time labeling a POTUS a jerk when it's obvious that there's alot of depth there.

I still like the list though, and I'm still a big fan of your journals. I think I'm right in thinking the list is social in nature, so in that view it's fine and dandy. =) If you do tack Al Gore on somewhere, you better decry him for politicizing scientific study. There's no better way to guarantee B.S. science than to introduce politics. It'll be a long time before we get a truly scientific study of global warming now, thanks Al. Money and politics, the eternal source of perversion.

... wow. Can you imagine a war on terror under that man?
Damn, son. Damn.
Probably wouldn't have seen a low-tax initiated 20% upturn in government revenue in a recession and during a war if he'd gotten the office either.

Really is amazing how much influence one man has.
I ramble. Thanks for discussing with me, it's a pleasure. =)
curran Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006
Out of curiosity, what is your view on George Carlin?
vest Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2006
Suprisingly enough, I don't have much of an opinion on Carlin in one way or another. I do recognize him as a valid pioneer in the modern comedy movement, and have two of his books: "Napalm and Silly Putty" and "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?". He definitely has a solid comedy career, and has played his cards well to land his position in his career, but I neither consider him sage nor sucker in this.

I'm grateful that he stuck strictly to comedy. He doesn't go overtly out of his way to start charities, and he doesn't donate ten thousand to a starving nation...followed by another twenty thousand to publicize his generosity (see U2). And his routine has been constantly moulding to fit societal demands. Unlike old bags like Richard Geere and George Rofl Clooney, Carlin has adopted an act that embraces his aging and potential senility. He gets it. He embraces it. He meshes with it. Geere and Clooney? They still try to be the sexy ladies' man, the politically charged Bond-like CIA operative, or any other strapping young buck that wins ticket sales in the "sexually frustrated soccer moms" demographic. I mean, those guys are what? Fifty? Sixty?

But again, George Carlin's a great comedian, but not really a role model figure. He just found his crutch, stuck to it, constantly updated his act, and doesn't have much shame in any role he plays. Now being the bishop in Dogma with the Buddy Christ deal? A Kevin Smith moment of pure gold. He was a perfect cast choice. But does he have many? Would I be considered a fan of everything he does? Do I, personally, look up to him and wish to follow in his footsteps? Naw. He's lived a good life, but not the life I would want for myself.
curran Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2006

I had my first exposure to him when he had some random visit to my hometown in Montana. I asked for tickets of my mother since I was 13 and she worked around the entertainment desk at the newspaper, and she thought I was going ot see the pianist George Winston. Big suprise to her when I got her the CD :P
Ikio Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006
Damn I am not even in the top 10? I need to get to work.

On a more amusing note:

My brother-in-law grew up in Belfast (Ireland yeah) his cousins started a punk band and guess who opened up for them...U2. The crowd spit on Bono =D My brother-in-law was there...Why no camera phones back then =(
Hyenaworks Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Why not Rosie O'Donnel?
vest Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006
Because to make it onto the list, you have to conform to the requirements expected to qualify as a member of the human SPECIES.
Hyenaworks Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
SirMartin1 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
good list...definately a perfect pick for number one :nod:
junoknight Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
RocMegamanX Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
One thing right quick:

Do you watch YAAFM on Newgrounds...? Michael Moore was featured there.

Anyway...a few more things that irk me about this list...

Why couldn't Courtney Love have killed Kurt Cobain? When I was in high school... I saw a clip of a documentary that said that Love may have hired a hitman to kill Cobain.

Dane Cook isn't THAT bad...

I don't think Maury Povich is that bad either...even though sometimes with the disfigured people when a woman lost her nose to cancer or some ****...he just gave them a night on the town instead of giving her a PROSTHETIC NOSE....Gosh! Idiot!

I think L. Ron Hubbard should have been on this list..he created Scientology, and by some type of dumb luck, some people actually bought it. Like Tom Cruise...who ALSO should have made this list.

How is Dr. Dre a killjoy?

I agree with the Paris Hilton part.

Plus Bill Watterson...he refused to make a cartoon or merchandise based on Calvin and Hobbes...because he was paranoid and overprotective of his vision.

There are some other guys who just should've been on this list:

Henry VIII
Richard III
Chairman Mao
Uwe Boll
Hiroshi Yamauchi(the former pres. of Nintendo Japan)(he killed off Sega's Master System and the Turbo-Grafx with this forced monopoly on the best game companies, USA or Japan...and he rejected the CD add-on from Sony that would later become the Playstation...if only things were different...)
curran Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006
Bill WAtterson bad for not selling out his creation?

Witht hat logic, the unutterable douche that is Jim Davis is a hero.
RocMegamanX Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Actually, TTYTT, I only really said that because I thought that it would've been interesting to see C&H in cartoon form...
curran Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006
Ugh, no it wouldn't.

Can you imagine Calvin and Hobbes laden down with a cheesy theme song, the intelligent jokes reduced to slapstick to sell better? Goes against everything that made Calvin and Hobbes good.
RocMegamanX Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, at least I know more about this matter....and knowing is half the battle! (GI Joe reference)
vest Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2006
Ah, yes. Many good questions brought up, I'll address them one by one.

Why couldn't Courtney Love have killed Kurt Cobain?

Knowing Cobain's mental "stability" I find it much easier to believe that he shot himself. He and Love had issues. Lots of issues. But none so severe that one would kill the other, probably just go through the typical ugly Hollywood breakup.

Dane Cook isn't THAT bad...

His self-congratulatory comic routine isn't new nor is it funny. It loses its edge very early on, but unfortunately, the fame has gotten to his head. He genuinely, and sinerely, thinks he's the greatest thing to comedy. The people who actually ARE (Richard Pryor, Bob Hope, George Carlin) the greatest comedians...never held themselves on a high-flying pedestal of "I'm so great" throughout the entirety of their career.

I don't think Maury Povich is that bad either...

That's why he's on the list. He's just as bad, if not worse, than the people like Springer, Rikki Lake, or Maria Lopez. The thing is, though, people don't think he's a bad guy. He pretends to be this hopeful and caring soul, this guy who sheds crocodile tears for people when their lives are split in two. It's the same predictable thing, and when you see a couple episodes, such is easy to buy. But after seeing so many episodes after so many years, it all follows the same formula, and you can see after a while that it turns from compassionate to exploitative. It's not about solving problems. It's about televising problems.

I think L. Ron Hubbard should have been on this list..

I had to think long and hard about Hubbard, but there was one thing that remains within my mind. Scientology is post-mortem L. Ron Hubbard. Hubbard had no say in the management and distribution of his religion, and its popularity didn't begin to kindle until after he died. He was a science fiction writer. Not a prophet. Even he recognized this. There is a story that L. Ron Hubbard and Arthur C. Clarke were enjoying a drink together, and on a bet, Hubbard said that his next fiction novel would start a religious following. Hence, Dianetics was born. Scientology, the entirety of it, is founded upon a bet between two writers in a pub. It's not Hubbard's fault that Dianetics actually garnered such a cult following.

One could argue the same point in Cobain's defense. But Hubbard isn't an overrated no-hit wonder. He's more a genuinely good writer with one book that ruined it for everybody.

How is Dr. Dre a killjoy?

For the same reason Lars Ulrich is on the list. Dr. Dre, along with Madonna, was one of the more vocal jerks who helped bring down Napster. He and Madonna also took them to court, and their cases were even more aggressive. Yet Ulrich still wins the title, because he was the first, and because he belongs to a band that trashed classic Seger. If you've seen the music video for the Metallica version of Turn the Page, you'd vomit at how irrelevant and trashy it is. Yeah, hardships of people, but it's about musicians. Not stripper single mothers. Jeez.

Plus Bill Watterson...he refused to make a cartoon or merchandise based on Calvin and Hobbes...

Oh man. Huge disagreement on my part here. GARGANTUAN disagreement. This is a disagreement that simply cannot be paralleled. It's allright to assert such a thing, but as a massive Calvin and Hobbes fan, I am beyond grateful that he didn't tarnish his creation through other mediums. It would've ruined so much of the comic. We all grow up reading it, and we see Calvin animate in our own way. We see him live the way we see ourselves. He talks...just like us. Because we read the bubbles, see the pictures, and our mind fills in the rest. It's because of this that we associate with him. He speaks without voices, he moves without motion, and because of this, we can associate more easily with him. Calvin is, in literary terms, us. He is the child in all of us. Give him a voice in a cartoon, and it's not my child anymore. It's not my voice, so I don't identify with Calvin anymore. Imagine that. Imagine if Calvin spoke like Lambchop. Imagine Calvin voiced by the same guy who does Billy in Grim Adventures (AKA Invader Zim, and the Squirrel in Squirrel Boy). It just wouldn't be the kid that I always imagined. And if he moves about all poppy like Chuck Jones animation? Or musically like Friz Freling? Smooth and graceful like Disney? No way, I was neither of those when I was a kid, so again, seeing him under the crutch of an animator's

Watterson was very aware of this sort of potential abuse. He was offered many times to make it into a cartoon, and he turned it down for those very reasons. He wanted it to be 100 percent his own creation, and didn't want anybody else jumping in on it. Because if somebody else ruins the image of Calvin, he would get the flak for it. His franchise would suffer for actions perpetrated by people outside of his jurisdiction. Yes, he had to be a jerk to maintain the integrity of his vision, but I feel that such protective overkill is very well justified. VEEERY well justified. Hopefully that helps you to understand why.
RocMegamanX Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You do have a good point on the Bill Watterson one. And I didn't know that Scientology came AFTER Hubbard died...but still the people who FOLLOW Scientology should be on that list ...beside Isaac Hayes...he used to be cool...what does Scientology have that every other religion doesn't...? Not trying to start any arguements...but I'm curious about this...

Plus Bob Hope was before my I wouldn't know about him...and I haven't seen much on Richard Pryor either....:(
vest Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2006
I did remember to throw in Tom Cruise as a special mention under "pompous fascists" category. I feel he embodies everything potentially negative about Scientology. That it's for the rich. It's for the elitist. It's so obnoxiously exclusive by its financial burden upon its followers that it becomes a faith-based country club that took a Dungeons and Dragons game too damn seriously. Cruise IS the dark side of scientology, so to include him would be to include all the similar followers with no quark of dignity left.

Richard Pryor is quite a good comedian. While his act is strongly race-centric (a quality I frequently despise as an entertainment approach), Pryor does it with this grace that makes it playful. He's not racist...more racially aware. Racially frustrated. With everybody. He ain't demainding justice from those caught in the media crossfire or from the common people, he just adapted common stereotype as a part of his shtick.
TheGreatSeraphim Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2006
Now when you say history do you mean presently? Cause I'm pretty sure Hitler was a pretty big jerkoff. <.<

I would say Bush Deserves the #1 spot being the next Hitler (but waaaay dumber) but I think reverse racists derseve that spot. Nothing I hate more than people abusing their rights horribly and accuse people of somethnig that they have become themselves by doing so. Like feminists >.> An Example right here where I live. 2 Girls protested their asses off to be let into the boys hockey team... LET! They didn't earn a spot on a team like the boys. They just bitched and wined it wasn't fair they wern't allowed on another genders team till someone told the coach he had to (And yet guys are still not allowed on the girls team). I seriously hope someone busts out all their teeth. Women sissy up sports and remove a lot of the contact nessesary to get anything done. Imagin football without tackling. Snoresvill.

Anyways A+ list.
MysteryMan91 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006   Traditional Artist
look, i dont know most of these people, but i freaking agree with the Mac. that whole string of commercials is just chock-full of jackassery.

i very much look forward tp reading the full rant.
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006
Oh, and Ken Starr might deserve to be on the list.
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006
ooh, and the Discovery Institute. I'm on a roll.
iznbodyzangel Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006
u should have made a top 20 instead... there are alot more jerks to count... hitler and mel can share the same spot...!!
AvSkyggene Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006
Someone get him a publisher. The word needs to be spread.
DefiantHeart Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006
Awesome. Everything was spot on. I especially enjoyed what you had to say about Cobain and Sharpton.

You hurt me though, Vest, when speak foul of my beloved Macs... =P
Mumakil Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2006
aha brilliant journal entry, i enjoyed it. thanks for taking the time to write it :)
dimezanime88 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2006
Most of the people on your list I find to be bullshit that you would consider them as jerks. It's too late for me to type a paragraph on it, but I have to disagree with your arguements on 3 of the people.
vest Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2006
That's cool.

If you could explain who and why, I'd love to hear it. :)
dimezanime88 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2006
Oh I really wish too, but I have so much comments to reply to (even since that day I replied), plus finals this week. I'll definitely be getting back to this, but to make it more simple, I'm only defending:

Justin Long
Michael Moore
Maury Povich
Weirdolod Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2006
actually theres one that should be on the jerks list. the (RED) foundation. Basicly its another " help the starving kids in africa" thing and who happens to help do it? why the jerk ass of them all. U2s Bono. helping himself to the misery of others, mr. Bono says for you to go buy these shirts that say ( red) on them, and a bit of that money goes to the starving kids. im pretty sure everyone here knows that money is not going to them kids, if it is its only like 83 cents or something, like all those Christian " adopt a kid" thing where you only had to send in 83 cents. that shit was all bullshit to help fill their pockets by the exploitation of kids who just want to eat a little something that doesnt have flies and feces on it.
Add a Comment:

:iconvest: More from vest

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
November 29, 2006


1 (who?)